I am very sad on the inside this morning. And not just a surface sadness. There is a depth to this sadness. It has been there hanging about for quite a while. I finally tapped into it. Perhaps, and to me this is part of the mystery, but experience is the drill that taps into the vein making way for it to come out. It doesn’t burst forth like a geyser after something unexpectedly earth shattering happens, rather a steady babbling creek like flow.
I knew something was up these last few weeks. Maybe it started when I met someone and told him my side of the story and seeing his tears caused this rip inside to make room. And over time has slowly opened even more. Like a gambler giving away his hand simply by behavior, my “tell” is that when something is up, I use humor in excessive amounts. This allows me to avoid, or delay what is going on. I can only delay something for so long. Or maybe it wasn’t really a delay but rather like waiting for it to come to fruition. No matter what, it sure did color my world and experience.
Now that it is on the surface, the sadness has purified the lens I see the world through. Like an eyeglass cleaner after wiping glasses clean the world seems a bit clearer than before.
All this is a metaphor, and I can’t say I know with certainty much of anything. All I know is that today it is a clean page, until it isn’t.